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Sunday, September 24, 2006

CSI: Built to Kill, Pt. 1

The show opens up with a performance of yet another Cirque De Soleil act. I hate Cirque de Soleil. Luckily for me, some living people discover some dead people, and the acrobatics are over. Beardless Grissom and Catherine show up to process the Cirque scene. Somehow, Grissom looks exactly the same as he did before he grew the beard. When I saw the previews for this episode, I assumed they’d put an old clip of Grissom in for… some reason. I still think the only reason William Petersen ditched the beard is so that when he leaves the show they can pretend to have him there by putting in clips from season 2.

Warrick: We can’t get to the victim unless we cut down the tree he’s stuck in!
Grissom: Sometimes to get to the evidence we must destroy the evidence.
Warrick: Very true.
Sara: Grissom, I accidentally ran over your straw hat this morning.
Grissom: Sometimes to get to the evidence we must destroy the evidence.
Sara: Guys! The Grissom is broke again!

Wow, I’m already going tangential. Anyway, Grissom and Catherine get shown around the area where the dead woman was found and realize they have to process an entire frakkin’ theater. Bummer. Wait. Wasn’t there a dead guy, too?

Commercial Break the 1st

Oh, there he is. He was at a different murder scene. Warrick and Sara tell the audience that dead guy may or may not be a suicide victim. If you were wondering, Sara is now beardless as well. David the Coroner shows up late to the scene and accidentally shoots the victim in the leg. Do you think someone could be that awkward at their job after almost 7 years? Neither do I. Anyway, I can’t complain too much cause then we get to see Brass! I love Brass. If they’d killed him off I wouldn’t be watching this show anymore. He snarks it up at Sam Braun, because Sam Braun is responsible for every crime that’s ever happened in Vegas. Rather suddenly, we jump back to the Cirque case where Nicky’s boring us with his comparison of the theater to an aircraft carrier. Uhh… oh, good! Just like that we’re back to Brass, who’s talking to the guy who found the dead guy. Actually, he’s the “partner” of the dead guy, who we learn is named Robert. Sara determines that the “partner” doesn’t have GSR on his hands, but has an anti-anxiety prescription. That might be important later. Next we cut to autopsy with Doc Robbins, and get to see the inside of the dead woman’s lungs. It’s getting really old typing “dead woman” though, so I’m just going to call her Marg. Before we go to commercial, we go back to see the Cirque theater and the “crush zone”. Did I mention that Marg had been crushed by the moving stage? Sorry, I was a little dizzy from all the scene changes.

Commercial Break the 2nd

We’re back to the autopsy bay, where Robbins is opening up Marg’s squeedlyspooch. Or her “liver”, as he calls it. Stop making up organs, Al. We get another 60 seconds of Brass snark, before we see the Recently De-Bearded One looking down a microscope. Hodges reveals that he once had a girlfriend, and we find out that Marg snuck into Ka by pretending to be a flower delivery girl. Oh. So it’s not “another” Cirque de Soleil; it’s one that already exists. I’m vaguely comforted that there aren’t any new fictional Cirques running around out there. There’s also a video of her being pushed into a railing by a man and losing her purse. We return to autopsy (again), where David has screwed up (again). Apparently he didn’t tape up Robert’s gunshot wounds and he “bled out” in the bag. I’m pretty sure that that implies he was alive when he was put in the bag, since blood flow stops when you’re dead. Head Coroner Al, however is just pissed because the blood is going to mess up the GSR test. Is this episode setting up the plotline where David gets fired and joins the circus (or the Cirqus, if you prefer)? Cause that might be pretty good. Next we get a sort of montage with Warrick processing and Robbins doing his autopsy thang. It’s unnecessary. So is my use of the word “thang.” Robbins tells Sara the results of his autopsy: he had alcohol and anti-anxiety medicine in his system – bad news for the “partner” because it’s the meds that he takes and he was bringing drinks to his maybe-not-gay-but-it’s-more-fun-to-imply-that-he-is partner. Robert also had sesame seeds in his mouth.

Commercial break the 3rd

After the next commercial break, Nick is doing an experiment to find out where Marg dropped her purse, I guess so that they can identify her. Do they have a problem with the name Marg? Nick finds the purse in a bunch of sand; their vic’s name is Celia Noel. That’s alright, she doesn’t look that much like a Marg anyway. Meanwhile, Warrick is watching Brass’ commendation ceremony on TV. Grissom brings Sara a veggie burger, and we all get to feel awkward when Warrick wants to know why Grissom didn’t get him anything. Except that it totally wasn’t awkward because for all Warrick knows Sara could have given Grissom money and said, “Buy me whatever.” I’ve done that. I hope this whole secret romance thing doesn’t get to be really annoying. We skip scenes again. Nick tells Catherine that Celia had tickets to every Cirque show in town (all 80 of them) and it turns out that she’s a dancer. Zumanity was the only show she didn’t buy her own tickets for; Nick and Sophia talk to the guy that did. He’s got sand in his shoes. Sophia takes him in for questioning, and he gives a very unlikely account of what “happened” at Ka. Warrick talks to Hodges. See how I didn’t segue there? That’s basically what this episode is doing. I could be wrong, but it doesn’t seem like that happens as much as in other episodes. Anyway, Hodges is butterflying Robert’s oven glove, explaining that he perfected this technique making a chicken dish that the ladies love. And then he admits that by “ladies”, he means “mom”. I love Hodges. Of course, there’s more sesame seeds. They also determine that the gun that killed Robert was transported in the oven mitt. How do they know there wasn’t a completely different gun in the mitt? Anyway, Warrick gets in Dead Robert’s pants (sorry, couldn’t resist) and finds more sesame seeds in the pocket. So he shot himself after all. Then why did we bother with it? Sara explains all of this to Grissom, as well as the medical reason why the gun didn’t fall out of his hand after he shot himself. Grissom looks vaguely turned-on. Sara leaves to turn over Robert’s personal effects to his partner. The quotation marks are gone because, as it turns out, they weren’t just business partners. And now I feel kind of bad. Good thing this is fiction. Just so I don’t feel like the only jerk, the next scene features Brass making Warrick feel like an ass for asking to see the commendation. Turns out Brass doesn’t feel particularly proud about it because he thinks that getting shot was kind of stupid. Yeah. It kind of was.

Commercial Break the 4th

Nick and Catherine go to a club and dance to John Mayer. I hate John Mayer. Whoa… wait. The Ka case is over, too? They actually believed the guy’s story about what happened? He didn’t even explain the part where she lost her purse. Did they forget about that, ‘cause in that last flashback, she didn’t look like a woman who had lost her purse. Unless she wanted to lose it. Maybe she wanted a new one. My head hurts. Compounding that problem, John Mayer continues to sing as we watch Brass getting a tattoo. He actually looks more turned-on than Grissom did earlier. I guess somebody’s a masochist. He’s getting the date of his shooting tattooed next to his bullet wound. Practically on his armpit. Ow. Good idea that he’s labeling his bullet holes, though. I’m always getting mine mixed up. Back at the club, Catherine and Nick finish dancing (they kind of suck at it too, considering one of them’s an ex-stripper). Nick goes off to dance with someone else, while Catherine winds up drinking some date-rape cocktail. And waking up in… where the crap is she? We don’t know, ‘cause we cut to Sophia and Grissom finding a dead guy… and a shoebox model of the crime scene. Huh. Don’t think anyone’s ever made that for art class. We go back and forth between Grissom and Catherine. He’s processing the crime scene model. She’s looking like shit and processing her own rape scene. That totally sucks. I don’t think her evidence collection is going to hold up in court, which sucks even more. And on that depressing note, the episode ends.

Next week on CSI: Danny Bonaduce, angry Catherine (I’d be pissed at Nick if I were her), and (hopefully) fewer rapid scene changes.


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