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Thursday, September 28, 2006

CSI: Built to Kill, Pt. 2

Tonight’s recap is going to a bit weird. First of all, I don’t have a VCR, so I’m trying to write this all in one straight shot as I’m watching the episode. To make things worse, CBS is a little bit messed up where I am. All the shows are on an hour early, and the reception is really weird. At least I figured out in advance what time this episode was on.

Anyway, it looks like we’re seeing the events of Catherine’s fuzzy, crappy night from a week ago. Although the fuzzyness might just be on my TV. Catherine goes to the front desk of the motel she woke up in to ask the clerk about who she was with the night before. He’s uncooperative until she shows him her CSI identification. Doesn’t do her much good, though, because it turns out that the room is registered to her.

At the other crime scene from the end of last week’s episode, Sara is looking at the shoebox model. “I think Malibu Barbie did it,” she snarks. And I think I love you, Sara. But what am I so afraid of? Afraid that I’m going to embarrass myself by making Danny Bonaduce jokes. Ahem. Grissom and Sara determine that the model must have taken a lot of time to create, and that the blood in the model is real. Their dead guy, Izzy Delancey, is a famous guy that Sara has never heard of. Grissom says that Izzy was before her time. It’s cute that they can talk about their age difference like that. Except not.

Greg shows up to process the scene. He knows who Delancey is, as do the rather young groupies who’ve shown up to cry their eyes out. Huh. Guess it’s not an age thing. Guess it’s a “Sara’s a Big Ol' Wet Blanket” thing. Nick and Sophia interview the woman who found Izzy. They mistake her for Mrs. Delancey, but she corrects them. She’s “Annie. Annie the Nanny.” Sophia’s reaction is pretty funny. I’m glad Louise Lombard is getting more screen time this season.

Are you enjoying all the nice paragraphs this week? You can actually thank the episode for that. They’re not running all the scenes together, meaning I don’t have to lump everything between commercial breaks into one paragraph. Thanks, CSI!

Sara shows up at the motel where Catherine was raped. Catherine gets right to the point: “I think I was roofied and raped.” Sara is wearing a ridiculous pair of sunglasses. Ridiculous for her, I mean. That’s not really relevant to the scene, but it is damn distracting. Anyway, I was right last week: Sara tells Catherine that her evidence collection was really sketchy. Catherine wants Sara to keep this case secret, which everyone knows is not going to work at all.

Nick and Sophia are talking to the Mrs. Delancey. Turns out everyone and their mom had keys to the house. That’s brilliant. Then she tells them that her step-son ought to be a major suspect. He does look suspicious, but then Mrs. Delancey looks like a freaky freaky freak freak. She’s not a very good source for this kind of info, is what I’m trying to say. Nick and Sophia talk to the kid. He tells them about his living arrangements between his two parents, and Sophia empathizes with him. Well, if she’s going to be like that, I don’t want Louise Lombard around. Nice-ness. Blech. The mother comes to pick him up, and Nick and Sophia learn that she doesn’t have an alibi. Dun dun dun.

Grissom is processing the kitchen. He finds bleach, so he luminols the sink. He does it correctly, too! They mess that one up a lot. Since I’m obsessing, I have no idea why Grissom and Greg are discussing the rolling pin. Maybe it’s the murder weapon. Hopefully they’ll mention that again.

Catherine’s doing something in the lab. I guess she’s in the DNA lab, because Annoying DNA Tech comes in and exposits to the audience that whatever Catherine’s testing is negative for sperm. Catherine snaps at her, and I’d totally harp on Catherine for taking over someone’s lab and then bitching at them, but I really don’t like that DNA tech. Catherine goes to see Hodges next, who’s suspicious that Catherine is giving him evidence that wasn’t collected correctly and has no case number. Catherine… what have you learned about using the lab for your personal business? You wind up getting a recommendation from Grissom and being promoted to supervisor. Oh. Maybe that’s why she’s doing it again.

Meanwhile in the morgue, Grissom and Robbins are rocking out to Izzy’s music. During his autopsy. I love it. Robbins sings the autopsy results to Grissom. Damn! Coroner Al can sing. I thought David was the musician (where is he, anyways? Fired?). Izzy’s death was a result of blunt force trauma, and he probably died quickly. Also, they pull a key out of him. Well that’s just stupid. You can’t unlock doors with your insides.

Catherine goes to the secret club she was at the night before, where John Mayer’s waxing the floors. Well, it sort of looks like him, and I love the idea of John Mayer having to clean up after his own gigs. The bartender doesn’t remember Catherine from the night before, but that’s probably just CSI-speak for “he’s guilty as sin.”

Back at the lab, Grissom is autopsying the man in the model. Somehow I don’t think that’s going to help determine cause of death. Sara tells him something about how Izzy was supposed to sign a contract. Ecklie walks in to talk to them, saying that they ought to release the case to the media. Grissom thinks it’s a bad idea, so Ecklie asks for Sara’s opinion. She agrees with Grissom. “Of course you do,” Ecklie replies before stalking off. Grissom and Sara look worried, but Sara shakes her head as if to say, “No, he doesn’t know anything. Otherwise he would have said ‘Of course you do. By the way - stop screwing your supervisor before I use it as an excuse to finally fire both of you.’” Don’t worry if you didn’t catch all that. It was very subtle.

Greg talks to Grissom about the key they found in Izzy; he thinks that the key is to a safe that is hidden somewhere in the house. So Greg goes on a magical safe hunt. He starts out removing pictures and using a special instrument thing to scan the walls for a safe. 15 seconds later, he starts to get impatient and scans things at random. The safe is in the floor. Greg looks through the safe and finds a dead bird’s head. So is Izzy Delancey supposed to be Ozzy Osbourne? I guess he would have found everything but the bird’s head if that was the case.

Later on, Catherine is picking up little girls on the street. Eww! Pedophile! Oh wait, I think that’s supposed to be her daughter. The actress that’s playing Lindsay looks nothing like the girl that’s been playing her for the past 6 years. Great job, producers! Catherine is talking to pod-person-Lindsay about her dance practice when another car slams into them. This episode brought to you by Volkswagen, who remind you that they make really good cars, and want you to forget that they’re clearly using an inferior ad agency these days. The guy that ran into them just kidnapped “Lindsay”. This is turning out to be Catherine’s worst week ever. It might make for a good slogan for VW, though. “Buy our cars, or we’ll steal your children.”

Catherine freaks out in the back of an ambulance, and Warrick accompanies her to check out the car crash. They realize that the person that ran into Catherine’s car accelerated, and therefore must have been waiting for them. Back at the lab, Catherine finally tells Grissom about her possible rape, but says that her rape-kit was negative. Well, actually, she only tested for presence of semen, it’s still possible that… whoops. I’m not supposed to snark the forensics on this show. I’d never shut up. Anyway, Catherine wasn’t raped. She meets up with Nick in the garage, and he apologizes for leaving her alone in the bar. Instead of kicking his ass, she tells him that they would have gotten to her another way. Why? It’s not like drugging her allowed them to kidnap Lindsay. Did it? My head hurts again. Anyway, Sam calls Catherine, they talk, and right after she hangs up on him she storms down to one of his hotels to confront him. Head… hurting… more! Catherine tells Sam that “they” were using her to get to him. Why didn't she tell him that on the phone? She gets more and more hysterical until she tells him that he’s a “thug in thousand dollar shoes.” He hauls off and slaps her. That was totally necessary.

Warrick looks at a ransom photo of Lindsay and tries to get Catherine to leave the room. Nick comes in with a case he found that is related. I’m not sure what the initial connection was supposed to be, but the chair in Nick’s case photos is the same one as from Lindsay’s ransom photo. They find her (already?) and… uh oh. Some moron let Hysterical!Catherine! into the scene. Warrick stops her from ripping the tape off of Lindsay. I think it’s so that they can preserve the evidence on the tape. Or maybe just because that would hurt like hell.

There’s a new show coming out about a serial killer helps the police find serial killers. Greeeat. Oh wait, it’s on Sho. It might be good then. Why is it called “Dexter”, though? Ooh, is it a cartoon about a funny-talking kid/scientist who kills people? I’d watch that.

The kidnapper is in the hospital, and Catherine is watching him. Grissom says they can place him in the motel room Catherine woke up in, and Catherine remembers seeing him in the bar. They don’t know who his accomplice is.

Finally. Back to the other case. Annie the Nanny saved a ton of e-mails that are important somehow. Izzy’s gold-digger wife wanted a key to the safe, so he swallowed it to piss her off. When he went to the ER, they took X-rays and Annie used the X-ray to get a new key made. Cool! And Annie the Nanny slept with Izzy the Bizzy in his son’s bed. His son’s name is Sven? How’d I miss that the first time?

Sara and Greg watch an “After the Hits” special about Izzy. Gee, I have no idea what show they’re mimicking! They learn that the ex-wife is a wee bit spiteful and go to talk to her. She tells them that she really did have an alibi: she was talking to the current Mrs. Delancey about how to get more money out of Izzy. Aww… bonding. Sara spies some drawings of skyscrapers that Sven did. Sara thinks that he’s capable of creating the model. Sophia talks to Sven in interrogation, and he reveals that he is angry at his father for many reasons, including for naming him Sven. Hee! He fingers his mom (...) as another person who’s angry at his father, but she has that fortunate alibi. Turns out, though, that Sven faints at the sight of blood. Sara says it’s unlikely that he’s the killer, but Grissom has a way to prove if he really faints. They put him on a tilt table and inject him with something. Did I accidently start watching House by mistake? Sven faints. He’s innocent. Sara talks to Grissom about how they are all out of suspects; Grissom thinks that somebody somewhere is guilty. Thanks, Grissom.

Annoying DNA Tech got a hit on Catherine’s case. The guy that took Lindsay was the brother of, Robert, last week’s suicide victim. His accomplice was Robert’s partner, Joe. Heh, I typed Hoe by mistake. Catherine discusses exposition-ly with Sam the fact that the two wanted money from Sam for something. While I’m missing crucial information again, Joe walks up and shoots Sam. You bastard! I start to feel bad for Catherine again, but Sam makes this hilarious dying face and I can’t help but giggle.

Grissom’s looking through the model with a magnifier thing. It’s sad when they have to resort to examining fake crime scenes. Well, technically, they’re all fake crime scenes. You know what I mean. Grissom finds something. The episode ends.

Are they going to solve any cases this season? Why are there 4 new cases next week? Did David run off to join the cast of Ka? Next week: these questions and more will probably not be answered!

Sunday, September 24, 2006

CSI: Built to Kill, Pt. 1

The show opens up with a performance of yet another Cirque De Soleil act. I hate Cirque de Soleil. Luckily for me, some living people discover some dead people, and the acrobatics are over. Beardless Grissom and Catherine show up to process the Cirque scene. Somehow, Grissom looks exactly the same as he did before he grew the beard. When I saw the previews for this episode, I assumed they’d put an old clip of Grissom in for… some reason. I still think the only reason William Petersen ditched the beard is so that when he leaves the show they can pretend to have him there by putting in clips from season 2.

Warrick: We can’t get to the victim unless we cut down the tree he’s stuck in!
Grissom: Sometimes to get to the evidence we must destroy the evidence.
Warrick: Very true.
Sara: Grissom, I accidentally ran over your straw hat this morning.
Grissom: Sometimes to get to the evidence we must destroy the evidence.
Sara: Guys! The Grissom is broke again!

Wow, I’m already going tangential. Anyway, Grissom and Catherine get shown around the area where the dead woman was found and realize they have to process an entire frakkin’ theater. Bummer. Wait. Wasn’t there a dead guy, too?

Commercial Break the 1st

Oh, there he is. He was at a different murder scene. Warrick and Sara tell the audience that dead guy may or may not be a suicide victim. If you were wondering, Sara is now beardless as well. David the Coroner shows up late to the scene and accidentally shoots the victim in the leg. Do you think someone could be that awkward at their job after almost 7 years? Neither do I. Anyway, I can’t complain too much cause then we get to see Brass! I love Brass. If they’d killed him off I wouldn’t be watching this show anymore. He snarks it up at Sam Braun, because Sam Braun is responsible for every crime that’s ever happened in Vegas. Rather suddenly, we jump back to the Cirque case where Nicky’s boring us with his comparison of the theater to an aircraft carrier. Uhh… oh, good! Just like that we’re back to Brass, who’s talking to the guy who found the dead guy. Actually, he’s the “partner” of the dead guy, who we learn is named Robert. Sara determines that the “partner” doesn’t have GSR on his hands, but has an anti-anxiety prescription. That might be important later. Next we cut to autopsy with Doc Robbins, and get to see the inside of the dead woman’s lungs. It’s getting really old typing “dead woman” though, so I’m just going to call her Marg. Before we go to commercial, we go back to see the Cirque theater and the “crush zone”. Did I mention that Marg had been crushed by the moving stage? Sorry, I was a little dizzy from all the scene changes.

Commercial Break the 2nd

We’re back to the autopsy bay, where Robbins is opening up Marg’s squeedlyspooch. Or her “liver”, as he calls it. Stop making up organs, Al. We get another 60 seconds of Brass snark, before we see the Recently De-Bearded One looking down a microscope. Hodges reveals that he once had a girlfriend, and we find out that Marg snuck into Ka by pretending to be a flower delivery girl. Oh. So it’s not “another” Cirque de Soleil; it’s one that already exists. I’m vaguely comforted that there aren’t any new fictional Cirques running around out there. There’s also a video of her being pushed into a railing by a man and losing her purse. We return to autopsy (again), where David has screwed up (again). Apparently he didn’t tape up Robert’s gunshot wounds and he “bled out” in the bag. I’m pretty sure that that implies he was alive when he was put in the bag, since blood flow stops when you’re dead. Head Coroner Al, however is just pissed because the blood is going to mess up the GSR test. Is this episode setting up the plotline where David gets fired and joins the circus (or the Cirqus, if you prefer)? Cause that might be pretty good. Next we get a sort of montage with Warrick processing and Robbins doing his autopsy thang. It’s unnecessary. So is my use of the word “thang.” Robbins tells Sara the results of his autopsy: he had alcohol and anti-anxiety medicine in his system – bad news for the “partner” because it’s the meds that he takes and he was bringing drinks to his maybe-not-gay-but-it’s-more-fun-to-imply-that-he-is partner. Robert also had sesame seeds in his mouth.

Commercial break the 3rd

After the next commercial break, Nick is doing an experiment to find out where Marg dropped her purse, I guess so that they can identify her. Do they have a problem with the name Marg? Nick finds the purse in a bunch of sand; their vic’s name is Celia Noel. That’s alright, she doesn’t look that much like a Marg anyway. Meanwhile, Warrick is watching Brass’ commendation ceremony on TV. Grissom brings Sara a veggie burger, and we all get to feel awkward when Warrick wants to know why Grissom didn’t get him anything. Except that it totally wasn’t awkward because for all Warrick knows Sara could have given Grissom money and said, “Buy me whatever.” I’ve done that. I hope this whole secret romance thing doesn’t get to be really annoying. We skip scenes again. Nick tells Catherine that Celia had tickets to every Cirque show in town (all 80 of them) and it turns out that she’s a dancer. Zumanity was the only show she didn’t buy her own tickets for; Nick and Sophia talk to the guy that did. He’s got sand in his shoes. Sophia takes him in for questioning, and he gives a very unlikely account of what “happened” at Ka. Warrick talks to Hodges. See how I didn’t segue there? That’s basically what this episode is doing. I could be wrong, but it doesn’t seem like that happens as much as in other episodes. Anyway, Hodges is butterflying Robert’s oven glove, explaining that he perfected this technique making a chicken dish that the ladies love. And then he admits that by “ladies”, he means “mom”. I love Hodges. Of course, there’s more sesame seeds. They also determine that the gun that killed Robert was transported in the oven mitt. How do they know there wasn’t a completely different gun in the mitt? Anyway, Warrick gets in Dead Robert’s pants (sorry, couldn’t resist) and finds more sesame seeds in the pocket. So he shot himself after all. Then why did we bother with it? Sara explains all of this to Grissom, as well as the medical reason why the gun didn’t fall out of his hand after he shot himself. Grissom looks vaguely turned-on. Sara leaves to turn over Robert’s personal effects to his partner. The quotation marks are gone because, as it turns out, they weren’t just business partners. And now I feel kind of bad. Good thing this is fiction. Just so I don’t feel like the only jerk, the next scene features Brass making Warrick feel like an ass for asking to see the commendation. Turns out Brass doesn’t feel particularly proud about it because he thinks that getting shot was kind of stupid. Yeah. It kind of was.

Commercial Break the 4th

Nick and Catherine go to a club and dance to John Mayer. I hate John Mayer. Whoa… wait. The Ka case is over, too? They actually believed the guy’s story about what happened? He didn’t even explain the part where she lost her purse. Did they forget about that, ‘cause in that last flashback, she didn’t look like a woman who had lost her purse. Unless she wanted to lose it. Maybe she wanted a new one. My head hurts. Compounding that problem, John Mayer continues to sing as we watch Brass getting a tattoo. He actually looks more turned-on than Grissom did earlier. I guess somebody’s a masochist. He’s getting the date of his shooting tattooed next to his bullet wound. Practically on his armpit. Ow. Good idea that he’s labeling his bullet holes, though. I’m always getting mine mixed up. Back at the club, Catherine and Nick finish dancing (they kind of suck at it too, considering one of them’s an ex-stripper). Nick goes off to dance with someone else, while Catherine winds up drinking some date-rape cocktail. And waking up in… where the crap is she? We don’t know, ‘cause we cut to Sophia and Grissom finding a dead guy… and a shoebox model of the crime scene. Huh. Don’t think anyone’s ever made that for art class. We go back and forth between Grissom and Catherine. He’s processing the crime scene model. She’s looking like shit and processing her own rape scene. That totally sucks. I don’t think her evidence collection is going to hold up in court, which sucks even more. And on that depressing note, the episode ends.

Next week on CSI: Danny Bonaduce, angry Catherine (I’d be pissed at Nick if I were her), and (hopefully) fewer rapid scene changes.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Last season's finale recap... sort of

I discovered Howse, M.D. over the weekend. I can't draw worth crap, so I used screen caps. Oh yes, my screen caps are from CSI CAPS. They claim to want credit for their screen caps, but something tells me they don't want to be associated with this.

My other recaps will be normal ones, I promise. I just had to try this once.

I edited a couple of these frames because lately the "no capital letters whatsoever" craze seems to be taking over the net. I left the 4th frame alone because it's really stupid and amuses me to no end.

Monday, September 04, 2006

As if the fine forensic work wasn't enough

This season on CSI: murder, romance, dancing, and Kevin Federline!

And if you're anything like me, you can't get through all that without snark.

Stay tuned -- I start recapping sometime after the premiere on September 20.